Shit Sarah Says

...what?

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:30:26 -0400

“I hope my babies love me. I just want to snuggle them in my bosom. I miss Dernst’s pubic hair.”

“Her dick smells like corn. I fucking hate that bitch!”

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:29:20 -0400

“Her dick smells like corn. I fucking hate that bitch!”

Twinkies

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:28:44 -0400

“Mmmm all the Twinkie cream just fucking ram it up her butthole. They can survive nuclear holocaust, you know.”

Helen Keller

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:26:50 -0400

J: “How do you make Helen Keller cry?”

Sarah: “Push her off a cliff.”

Sarah's Mission Statement

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:26:45 -0400

“I want people to know, like, all about what…like, I’m all about.”

#pubichairproblems

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 18:25:03 -0500

“”I shaved Sarah Jr. today and nicked her labia…#pubichairprolems.”

Wax Museum

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 18:23:59 -0500

“You know when you want to go to the wax museum so you can just cop a feel of the people and see if they feel real or not?”

No words.

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:07:34 -0500

Sarah- “Have you ever wanted to shove your dick in a garbage disposal?”

J- “Well let me put it this way, have you ever wanted to shove a cactus up your vagina?”

Ejaculation

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:06:28 -0500

“Sometimes people ejaculate in your eye and you just need to deal with it.”

Patty Mayonnaise

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:04:58 -0500

“You know who’s a fly bitch? Patty Mayonnaise. She was a sly mother fucker.”

Sex Appeal

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:04:18 -0500

“Can I seem seductive like I want to fuck a dog in the ass?”

Derp children.

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 19:28:07 -0500

“If I ever had a kid like that I would take them to a field during a thunderstorm and yell take it back! When else is god gonna be there? Either that or throw it in a dumpster and leave it there.”

Rotary

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 00:35:00 -0500

“If Taylor tags me in one more thing Rotary related I’m going to kill her. Tillycakes I’m goin’ to fucking kill you. And she like slinks off the couch like a fucking snake. Cause that’s what she does, she slinks.”

"I wanna go viral like Bennet, I think I'm funnier than him."

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 00:29:43 -0500

Danielle- ‘Sarah! You just pulled my pants down!”

Sarah- “I thought you weren’t going to give me your phone, so I was going to rip at your clothing until you did.”

Poop (Part 2)

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 23:53:32 -0500

“I’m at that point right now where I’m really nervous and I feel like I have to poop really bad.”

Poop.

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 23:51:56 -0500

“I really wanted to poop but you guys were all sitting in the common room so I wasn’t about to come out and take a dump with you here. So I went down to the guest bathroom and it was fine. But then I had to make sure that there wasn’t anyone standing outside because you know it’s like the walk of shame when you go to the guest bathroom. So of course the fucking Asians are standing there and I had to wait until they left.”

Milking

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 00:39:24 -0500

Danielle- “Sarah, you look like you are trying to milk yourself.”

Sarah- “Can you do that?! Like if I tried really hard could I just milk myself? That would be so cool! Like I would be a wet nurse, like the pied piper but a wet nurse! No one would ever go hungry again! Milk for all the little children!”

Voldemort

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:35:25 -0500

Sarah-“They’re going to banish me to Albania”

Group- “Why Albania?”

Sarah-“Because that’s where Lord Voldemort went and I’m unwanted by society!”

Safety

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:24:39 -0500

-on the phone with Deb-

“Just checking you weren’t freezing cold on the side of the road getting raped by deer.”

Eskimos

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:21:49 -0500

“Eskimos can’t drive, that’s inaccurate.”